Learning to Stop Snoozing Through My Daily Morning Practice

Very rough these last couple of weeks getting up in the morning to do my morning practice. I know 15 minutes isn't a long time, but it seems so difficult when I wake up and it's still as dark outside as when I went to bed; when my bed is all warm and toasty; when I know that after my practice is over I have to get ready for work.

I keep reminding myself of two things and they've helped get me up these last few days:

1. Sutra 1.1: Now, after having done prior preparation through life and other practices, the study and practice of Yoga begins.

Keyword is NOW. Get up and do it now. I may see/feel the transformation later, but in order for it to manifest I must act NOW.

2. My practice on the mat is a metaphor for my life.

A sloppy practice equals a sloppy life. Is that the type of life I want? No! When I neglect my mat, I am also neglecting myself in some way. However, if I dedicate time to my mat - my practice - I will dedicate time to myself in other areas of my life. The only way for be to get better is to show up, each day.

A Not-So-Small Victory Today! Svatikasana on a whim...

Continuing to work on my Svastikasana. Not quite where I want to be, but definitely much farther than where I started. I had my PYT (Personal Yoga Trainer) take some pictures for me so that I can keep up with the progress. I tried this at the very end of our session, after my muscles were stretched and warm. Our session was over and I just tried it to see what would happen. It's amazing what you can do when you're not trying "forreal".

Learning to Study Again: Yoga isn't just about doing the poses

When I tell people that I practice yoga, or that I’m in training for my yoga teaching certification, I don’t think they have the image of me surrounded by books, notebooks and worksheets. Yet, this is how I’ve spent many evenings of my “free time” since starting my training.

Yoga is not just the physical poses that you do in a class. The poses (“asanas”) are just a piece of the yoga practice. Yoga truly is a lifestyle and practicing yoga includes what you eat, how you think, how you treat others. It is a process of self-realization. I learn a lot about myself on the mat, but I’m also learning even more off the mat. And there is soooo much to learn!

I forget where I read it, but I came a cross a quote recently that said yoga certification training is the new grad school. I think whoever said that is on to something. I've been out of undergrad for 10 years now, so getting back into the swing of studying has been a learning curve. I've really had to incorporate this part of the yoga practice into my everyday life. Sometimes, I study my notes on the commute to work. Sometimes, I'm at home on a Friday night studying on my couch. I've had to learn to create time. This is in addition to all the classes I go to during the week. My brain is bubbling over with all kinds of new information these days!

I am learning the history of yoga, the anatomy of the body and how different breathing techniques and poses affect the body, yoga philosophy such as the Yoga Sutras and how to interact with others as a teacher. I’m learning how to ‘practice what I preach’ by developing my own daily yoga practice and meditating. I’m more mindful these days and learning to let go of habits and thoughts that don’t serve me in a positive way. It’s a bit overwhelming at times, but in a good way. I know when I come to the end of this process I’ll be an even better me and that’s the ultimate goal: To be authentically ME, to be my best self.

But sometimes, I do wish someone could do my homework for me :-)

No, students WON'T be staring at me the entire class: A recent revelation

I had a lightbulb moment while in a Vinyasa 1-2 class last week: people do not stare at the teacher the entire time, if at all. One of my tiny fears about eventually teaching is having people stare at me for 90 minutes. It's interesting because I do things in front of audiences fairly often - give presentations, lead workshops, I've even acted in a few local plays. But, teaching yoga is new and right now it still feels very foreign, so the fear is there.

However, I realized last week that this fear of people staring really isn't an accurate one. My ego is going to have to come up with something new to discourage me (which I'm sure it will). As a yoga student, I know for a FACT that people aren't staring at the teacher because I never have time to stare! Who has time to stare when I'm sweating bullets, trying to catch my breath, wrap my shoulder blades, square hips and focus on a zillion other cues??? I hear the teacher, but rarely do I have time to look.

After visiting a few different classes, I've noticed that many teachers can effectively lead a class with very little demonstration. Of course, there's more in the Basic/Intro classes, but for the most part, they only demonstrate a few poses.

I think yoga classes are more about looking at/into myself. The teacher is there for guidance. When I'm practicing, I'm usually not looking at the teacher or the other people in class; I'm just listening and doing. Maybe this is a sign of a small progression forward. I'm sure there was a time when I needed to watch more. Now, I'm more familiar with what the names of poses are and what the cues mean and I can listen more.

Now, I just need to get over the fear of having to talk for 90 mintues straight...

Notes from Spirit & Wealth Dharma Talk with Aadil Palkhivala: September 2012

Dharma Talk w/ Aadil Palkhivala “Spirit & Wealth” September 7, 2012

Recommended Reading: “Fire of Love” by Aadil Palkhivala

Recommended Listening: www.aliveandshine.com

About Aadil: Aadil Palkhivala began his study of yoga with B. K. S. Iyengar at the age of seven. Recognized as one of the world’s top yoga teachers, Aadil is also a federally certified naturopath, a certified Ayurvedic health science practitioner, clinical hypnotherapist, certified shiatsu and Swedish bodywork therapist, lawyer, and internationally sponsored public speaker on the mind-body-energy connection. He is the founder and director of the College of Purna Yoga, an advanced teacher training program licensed by the State of Washington and Yoga Alliance-certified. Aadil has a reputation as a “teacher of teachers,” and is the author of the book, Fire of Love. www.aadil.com

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· Dharma

· Artha

· Kama

· Moksha

These are the reasons all people have latent divinity

Dharma: Life purpose (Mission) · ”ma” translates to “me”…what is MY life’s purpose? Artha: Means (e.g., money/wealth)

Kama: Pleasure; specifically, the pursuit of pleasure

Moksha: Spirit; specifically, pursuit of the spirit

· Artha, Kama, and Moksha are conditioned BY Dharma.

Question: “How much money (Artha) do I need?” Answer: As much to fulfill by life’s purpose/mission (Dharma) We disregard Artha, Kama and Moksha because we don’t know or understand our Dharma.

Importance of clarity: Even if you believe something, if it is not clear in your mind, you will fight yourself.

4 Ways We Are Controlled:

· Sick

· Poor

· Unhappy

· Fearful

“If you want to control people, give them a common enemy.”

4 Conditions of Freedom:

· Healthy

· Wealthy

· Joyous

· Powerful

The process (goal) of yoga is moving from controlled to free.

Greed: Taking something for myself without consideration of its dual effect on others and my spirit.

Svadhyaya: Self-knowledge

· Until I know myself, my work on my means, pleasure and spirit is all for the EGO (superficial; “the IMAGE of spirituality”). I must know myself and my purpose so that my means, pleasure and spirit are focused and aligned to it.

Question: Am I afraid to create wealth, pleasure and spirituality because of ____________?

Lovha: The negative aspect of desire

· How do we know we have enough?

o Svadhyaya: Get to know myself

o Dharma: As I am earning money, does it feel like it is a part of my mission to have it?

o Hriday: Heart opening (the heart = home)

An example of dealing with lack or a mindset of lack: I have a purpose and I need to do something related to my purpose, but don’t have enough money – This means I am out of sync w/ my purpose. A shift needs to be made. Ask, “How can I change myself to make the money come?”

In ancient times, yogis were the most wealthy people. Every need was met.

Questions:

· What part of my life would be more fulfilling if I had wealth?

· Why do I stop myself from having wealth?

The only reason for money is the exchange of energy.

Money is just a medium of energy.

Change my perspective on money; think of it as “thank you notes”.

Whatever I think about EXPANDS; it makes no sense to give money stingily

Whatever we are, we mirror (outside of ourselves)

Hriday: Heart opening – The heart is only partly muscle; it is mostly neuro tissue

I must operate from my heart’s desire.

Heart’s desire is an actual energy emanating from the heart. It sends an actual pulse into the Universe.

I am the creator and destroyer of my life = Power

Victims and victimizers CANNOT create = No power

How do we get our wealth by understanding our heart?

· Make decisions: That is all we do all the time, every moment

Yoga and Asana (poses) are NOT the same! Asana is only a part of yoga.

Question: Do I have the freedom and power to live the reason I was born (my Dharma)?

How to make decisions:

· Find a quiet place to meditate

· Touch the middle finger of your right hand to your heart center. Go inside yourself.

· In this space, ask yourself any questions you need answers to. Three key questions to ask every day are (1) Who am I? (2) What is my purpose (3) Where am I going? If you feel your heart expanding, that is a ‘yes’.

Old programs/beliefs about myself run in the brain, not the heart.

You cannot attract something that you shrink away from. You can only attract what you open up to.

Two major reasons people jeopardize themselves from living their dharma:

1. Insecurity: “I won’t get it, so why dream or set myself up for failure?”

o Stems from a lack of self-esteem from past experiences

2. “If I get it, I’m afraid I will be one of ‘them’.; I will not sue it wisely b/c I’m unsure of myself; I don’t know my dharma; I don’t know myself

In yoga, we MUST be abundantly wealthy. If not, that is NOT yoga!

Sometimes My Best Doesn't Seem Good Enough: Affirming myself through self-criticism

“Do not be discouraged. Keep doing. Keep showing up. The change is inside THEN out.”

That’s the status I wrote on my Facebook page this morning. Kind of a personal ‘note to self’ that I decided to share publicly. I had to remind myself of these things because I could feel the waves of discouragement starting to roll in last night after my yoga class. I’ve come to understand that gaining flexibility is not an overnight process, but how long will it take to see the process working?!! My forward folds are mad awful, like, I bend forward and it doesn’t look like I moved. In my head I just keep repeating to myself, “You’re doing your best. It’s okay. This is as far as you can go…today. It’s okay.”

But the pep talks don’t do very much when the ego wants to jump in and remind me that “you’ve been going to your personal yoga trainer for nearly 7 months…you go to classes 2, sometimes, 3 times a week now…you’ve been in teacher training a month…how are YOU going to be good enough to teach anybody in a few months…shouldn’t you be better by now?!!” My ego is EXTREMELY chatty and for some reason she thinks we’re cool enough for her to be talking sideways to me like that, in the middle of a yoga class no less.

So, I had to remind myself of some things this morning; get some perspective about the situation. I may not see any progress right now, but every time I practice that’s more progress than if I don’t do anything. I am forward moving. Joyce Meyer always says the battlefield is the mind and that’s where REAL change happens. I believe I CAN get better and that I WILL get better. I have to keep showing up on the mat. Keep going to classes. Keep believing in myself and my ability to do whatever I set my mind to. I have a successful record of rising to every occasion – why would this be different?

A good friend of mine reminded me of the scripture that I had in mind when I wrote my status and I feel it’s relevant to all of us on the journey of self-realization and self-development: “ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”—Galatians 6:9

Don’t give up on you.

An Affirmation to End Comparing Myself With/To Others Once and for All!

The only thing better than being me is being a better me.

Yoga is a personal practice, but it can be very tempting to compare myself with others when I'm in a class. This affirmation in helpful not only for yoga, but all areas of my life. There is no one or no thing better than me. I am unique, and therefore, uncomparable with or to anyone else. The only thing "better" than me is me at my absolute best. As I learn new things, like yoga, and stretch myself beyond my comfort zones I get better. That's what I am striving for. To be a better me, not better than anyone else.

“So, a yoga trainee walks into a Vinyasa 2 class…”

This is not the start of a bad joke; this is actually my life, and the start of my post-9 to 5 evening. My intention was NOT to jump ahead of myself and play with the big kids. I know where I’m at physically and mentally when it comes to yoga and a level 2 class is nowhere near where I’d peg myself on a yoga map. The arrow would clearly point to, “You are NOT here”. But, I found myself here tonight because I wanted to get home before 9 o’clock and it was either Mindful Vinyasa 2 or Vinyasa 2-3. Oh, what a price to pay for convenience…

I knew it would be challenging, but beyond that I really had no other expectations. I thought back to the time I took my first spin class. I was afraid to take the class because I would see people afterwards with soaked shirts, dripping with sweat. They looked like they all finished running a marathon! I was intimidated, but I was also intrigued. I wanted to know if I could do it and survive.

I finally got up enough courage to take a class – I went early on a Sunday morning when it’s less crowded - and it was EXTREMELY challenging but not unbearable. I lived to tell about it and had a sweaty shirt as proof of my conquest. However, that was my first and LAST time taking a spin class! I think I decided I don’t want to really work that hard when I go to the gym to workout.

Nevertheless, the spin victory reminded me that I do have a little power within me to endure challenges. No matter what, I told myself that I would do my best and stay until the end. I got inside the studio about 15 minutes before class started and I could tell immediately that Vinyasa 2 is not like the intro classes I’ve been going to.

As people came in, they started stretching and going through their own warm-up sequences. I followed suit and did a few rounds of cat/dog and Chakravakrasana. One woman was warming up with handstands. I didn’t have anything in my three-week old trainee toolkit comparable to that, so at that point I just sat on my bolster and waited patiently for class to start. I got a tad bit nervous when Angelique walked in because she assists us on Sundays in training class. She’s definitely more advanced, so we probably shouldn’t be in the same class. I guess I could have pretended I had an emergency phone call and had to leave suddenly, but I already committed. I remembered my intention: Stay and do my best.

“Come into downward dog.” Oh. Okay. So thiiiiis is how class starts when you’re level 2. No small talk or demos; just jump right in. Thankfully, I know what downward dog is, so I didn’t have the deer in headlights look. The flow of class followed this pattern. The Sanskrit names of poses were used and the teacher gave more verbal cues than physical demonstrations. It wasn’t about looking at the front of the room to see what she was doing. I really had to listen and focus within myself to do what I was being told to do.

We did each pose two or three times before going on to the next pose and I thought this sequencing was really helpful. If I couldn’t get it quite right the first time, I could make adjustments for the next time around. Many of the poses were things that we’ve gone over in training, but it was a different experience doing them as a flow and attempting to do them more precisely like the “real” level 2-ers. And it was extremely hot! I felt the sweat rolling down my back and had a spin class flashback.

I could feel myself becoming more fatigued around the top of the hour, but I knew I was in the homestretch. I just had to hold on a little while longer. Pigeon pose and bridge were probably my biggest challenges of the night, but I that just means I need to practice them more. The class ended with some very relaxing twists and Savasana. Surprisingly, I left with my self-esteem intact. It was definitely a challenge for me, but I actually would like to go back. It will probably be more beneficial to wait until I’m a little more advanced in my training and practice, maybe have at least a few level 1 classes under my mat, but I’m glad I didn’t scare myself away from the level 2 class before even trying. Now I have a better understanding of what’s expected of me in a level 2 class.

Week 2 Journal: Exploring My Koshas

"I may not be where I want to be, but I'm not where I could potentially end up, either!"

This quote came to me in Sunday's practice class. Daren demonstrated how some people walk with rounded backs, or with tight quads and their butts sucked in ("the cowboy"). I couldn't help but laugh, but found the examples kind of comforting. I may have tight hips, but at least I don't have the posture of a 90-year-old granny!! Ha! I remember how difficult it used to be for my mom to lift her arms just doing simple activities like putting on a shirt. Rarely do we stop to give thanks for all of the mobility that we have. I was less frustrated this week about my lack of flexibility, and instead, chose to be grateful for the flexibility I have and the opportunity for it to improve in the future. I'm thankful that I chose to make my health a priority this year. If I had to choose a word to describe this week, it would be open. I was open to learning and trying some new things. At Daren's recommendation I checked out Swami J's website and found some really good information. I loved the lesson on "What do I want?" When I took Aadil's workshop a few weeks ago, he spoke about the desires that make our hearts smile. I know what some of those things are, but I'm trying to figure out a way to articulate them into a simple keyword like Swami J suggests. Inspired by my focus on the koshas this week, I also decided to have my very first acupunture treatment...get my Qi flowing! It was a good experience; couldn't even feel the needles when they were in.

A friend of mine sent me this photo of the statue woman and I instantly fell in love with it. When I look at this picture, I see myself and why I was drawn to teacher training. I know there is amazing energy and light within me, but I feel like there's this outer shell I need to break through to expose it. Sometimes the koshas are protective, but sometimes you can be held captive. I just want to be free...be authentic...live my dharma (as Aadil would say). This photo illustrates that the process of breaking through is truly an inside-out job. Developing my personal yoga practice is part of my internal work and this week I incorporated more meditation and journaling. There's a lot more chipping at my shell to do, but the process is underway... This week was a whirlwind week and I didn't practice on anyone. I called out cues to myself while doing Chakravakrasana, so I hope that counts. I really enjoy this sequence. It's relaxing once you get into a flow of doing it. A small group of us have agreed to meet an hour before class to go over vocabulary for the quiz. It's nice to have a support network early on and reading their messages throughout the week have been helpful. I'm not the only one trying to figure out how to get all of this done and make sense of everything.

Week 1 Journal: "Why Is Easy Pose HARD?!!"

The first weekend of teacher training was a little overwhelming. I wondered (and STILL wonder) if I'm flexible enough for teacher training. I tried to get myself "ready" before training started by doing yoga on a consistent basis, even started going to weekly private yoga lessons, but my hips are still tight. I'm frustrated that "easy pose" (Sukhasana) is still hard for me and my knees don't rest on the ground. And forget about trying the variation of resting my feet on my thighs - not happening! Note even close. How on earth can I teach yoga and I can't even sit in easy pose correctly?! That's just one of the many frantic questions running through my head while I sat in class. It seems like everyone in class has been doing yoga for years and so much more flexible. I feel like I'm at a slight disadvantage because I have the extra task of trying to get my body to move in seemingly impossible ways, on top of learning Sanskrit and how to teach things my body may or may not be able to do. I feel like I have such a far way to go to catch up and keep up. I toyed with the idea of waiting longer to take teacher training. Maybe it would be better to sign up after I get good at it. Wait until my arms are strong enough...until my forehead touches my knees during forward fold, until my hips are FINALLY open enough to sit in easy pose the right way! But, I figured there's no guarantee when or if that time would come. Never is a long time to wait. Might as well jump right in while I have the desire and the means to do it, so here I am. I hate being a beginner. But, I know this is where I have to start - at MY beginning. Ughh! At the end of Week 1, I spent Friday night doing the first homework lesson. There wasn't anything on my social calendar, so it really wasn't as pathetic as it sounds. The reading for Week 1 from "Yoga for Wellness" actually helped me not to focus so much on what my body "can't" do. I have to accept where it is right now and believe that it contains infinite possibilities to transform. Yoga is not all about getting the poses (which I so desperately want to get). The asanas are only a piece of the living practice of yoga. My hope is that when my future students train with me, they'll get more than just a 90 minute workout. I want them to leave with a deeper meaning of yoga and with more of themselves than what they came with.

If we understand who we are, we can refine and improve how we feel, no matter what our genetic predisposition. - "Yoga for Wellness" p. xvi