Week 1 Journal: "Why Is Easy Pose HARD?!!"

The first weekend of teacher training was a little overwhelming. I wondered (and STILL wonder) if I'm flexible enough for teacher training. I tried to get myself "ready" before training started by doing yoga on a consistent basis, even started going to weekly private yoga lessons, but my hips are still tight. I'm frustrated that "easy pose" (Sukhasana) is still hard for me and my knees don't rest on the ground. And forget about trying the variation of resting my feet on my thighs - not happening! Note even close. How on earth can I teach yoga and I can't even sit in easy pose correctly?! That's just one of the many frantic questions running through my head while I sat in class. It seems like everyone in class has been doing yoga for years and so much more flexible. I feel like I'm at a slight disadvantage because I have the extra task of trying to get my body to move in seemingly impossible ways, on top of learning Sanskrit and how to teach things my body may or may not be able to do. I feel like I have such a far way to go to catch up and keep up. I toyed with the idea of waiting longer to take teacher training. Maybe it would be better to sign up after I get good at it. Wait until my arms are strong enough...until my forehead touches my knees during forward fold, until my hips are FINALLY open enough to sit in easy pose the right way! But, I figured there's no guarantee when or if that time would come. Never is a long time to wait. Might as well jump right in while I have the desire and the means to do it, so here I am. I hate being a beginner. But, I know this is where I have to start - at MY beginning. Ughh! At the end of Week 1, I spent Friday night doing the first homework lesson. There wasn't anything on my social calendar, so it really wasn't as pathetic as it sounds. The reading for Week 1 from "Yoga for Wellness" actually helped me not to focus so much on what my body "can't" do. I have to accept where it is right now and believe that it contains infinite possibilities to transform. Yoga is not all about getting the poses (which I so desperately want to get). The asanas are only a piece of the living practice of yoga. My hope is that when my future students train with me, they'll get more than just a 90 minute workout. I want them to leave with a deeper meaning of yoga and with more of themselves than what they came with.

If we understand who we are, we can refine and improve how we feel, no matter what our genetic predisposition. - "Yoga for Wellness" p. xvi